I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
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