you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
But we have bathrooms and they dont
Randomize
