I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
is that a dick in a sweater?
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
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