got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
Don't EVER smell your tampon
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
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