Hope the move went well! I'll miss you!
you are a cunt and I hated living with you and your skeezy boyfriend.Just thought I'd get that out there.
i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
True college students do jello shots in the library
Randomize
