I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
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