I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
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