Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
Randomize
