You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
Randomize
