Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Randomize
