Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
Randomize
