You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
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