Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
Randomize
