We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
Randomize
