I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
Randomize
