he came faster then a bring it on movie goes to dvd
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
Randomize
