Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
Blow job season was short but glorious.
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
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