I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
My bed is full of blood and feathers
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
Randomize
