so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
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