Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
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