my room smells like sperm. sweet.
The way I see it, if i don't fail the midterm and blow off some of the projects, how else am I going to get motivated to study for the final ?
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
Randomize
