I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
Randomize
