I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
i love accidental penises.
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
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