It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
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