Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
Randomize
