Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize
