You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
Think of all the island guys I could have. Ah well.
You can not bait me into a "how Stella got her groove back" call and response.
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
Randomize
