I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
She made me pour olive oil on her.
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
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