Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
Randomize
