Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
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