just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
Green mimosas i think yes
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
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