Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
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