Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
Maybe she gives good head
A girl who still calls a dick a "wiener"cannot possibly give good head
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
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