Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
His nipple licking is glorious
Randomize
