Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
the crunchwrap supreme is the def leppard of the taco bell menu
which is why it's clearly superior
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
