I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
Randomize
