I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
That's not ass to mouth..... That a rim job!! Are you telling me she licked your asshole?!
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
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