someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
Randomize
