He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize
