Is it normal to miss your booty call?
So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
I intend to get homeless drunk
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
Randomize
