So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
Randomize
