pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
Randomize
