The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
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