I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize
