He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
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