dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
Randomize
