The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
Randomize
