this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
Randomize