6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
Does having sex in the men's bathroom on the boardwalk count as having sex on the beach?
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
Randomize
