Well how sick are u. Ive got a good immune system.
Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
Randomize
