Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
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