Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
Randomize
